Is it appropriate for a woman to nurse her baby during a church service? While many states protect a woman’s right to breastfeed in public, our culture at large and church cultures in particular insist upon curtailing this right.
Andrea Solario, Madonna with the Green Cushions (Maria Lactan), 1st quarter of 16th century, Oil on Wood, Musée du Louvre, Paris.
The argument goes that, since men are aroused by the sight of women’s breasts, breastfeeding should occur in private. Women who breastfeed in public are exhibitionists who care more for asserting their civil rights than for respecting those around them.
Therefore, it is not surprising to find many churches encouraging nursing mothers to retreat to special rooms so as not to present men with an occasion to sin. Seems like Christian charity in action. What’s the problem? The problem is that by forbidding nursing mothers—either explicitly or implicitly—from nursing in the pews, churches turn breastfeeding into something of which women feel ashamed. These churches have ceded breastfeeding over to the sickness of our culture, allowing the breast to be fetishized while its biological function is rendered invisible.
That moment of anxiety in the pew stands as a metonym for all the ways in which our culture objectifies, commodifies and exploits women’s bodies for sexual pleasure and financial gain. The church that is afraid of breastfeeding has allowed culture to dictate the meaning of female sexuality.
Churches do have a hard job, given the hypersexualized nature of our culture. Breasts are everywhere—poured into halter-tops, limned by bikinis, and artfully draped by a well-placed hand. An adult human moving in the everyday world cannot avoid the sight of semi-clothed or even unclothed breasts. It would seem that the only function of the breast is arousal, a theory borne out by the abysmal breastfeeding rates in our country. Only 36 percent of babies in the United States are still breastfeeding at six months of age, and by 12 months, the figure has dropped to only 17 percent.¹ This happens despite the recommendation by the American Academy of Pediatrics that mothers breastfeed for a minimum of one year.²
Breastfeeding rates in America tanked in the 20th century, as parents and pediatricians became enamored of “scientific” feeding methods—scheduled feedings using artificially formulated cows-milk based food. Breastfeeding became stigmatized as a lower class behavior, and by 1972, less than 25 percent of new mothers initiated breastfeeding.³
Despite the rise of pro-breastfeeding initiatives, many mothers perceive that they must make a choice in how they will feed their baby, rather than seeing breastfeeding as the biological norm for our species. Formula manufacturers have been successful in persuading women that formula feeding is easier and more convenient, and, more importantly, less likely to offend. Bernice Hausman, in Mother’s Milk, describes the way formula marketers depict breastfeeding mothers as disheveled, unclothed, and often without a wedding ring, as opposed to bottle feeding mothers, who are clean, well dressed, and often pictured with their husbands.⁴
Breastfeeding, while natural and normal, is also a learned skill, and most mothers encounter some degree of difficulty during those early weeks. Without support from family and community, it can be easy to give up, especially when bombarded by messages that breastfeeding lacks the air of respectability that bottle-feeding has. While there are certainly valid reasons for women to bottle feed, cultural pressure is not one of them. A struggling, sleep-deprived mother dealing with surmountable problems like thrush, mastitis, tongue-tie, or oversupply may find herself vulnerable to the forces in her life that cast breastfeeding in a negative light.
Enter the church.
By discouraging the practice in the pews, churches communicate that breastfeeding is inappropriate and, like pornography, that bodies are dirty. It’s the old Gnostic lie rearing its ugly head.
Some churches display an open antagonism to breastfeeding through the implementation of parenting classes whose curricula offer breastfeeding guidelines that are counter to those put forth by the American Academy of Pediatrics. These women are told that feedings happen at the parents’ discretion, not when the baby indicates hunger.⁵ A mother breastfeeding during church, therefore, is not a good mother.
On the contrary, churches have a responsibility in today’s culture to embrace breastfeeding and to offer nursing mothers as much support and encouragement as possible. Breastfeeding has the power to redeem sexuality, embody sacrifice, and evoke the nature of God.
While breastfeeding is not a sexual act, nursing is still deeply sexual because it is deeply female. Lactation is a normal part of the biological course of female sexuality, because the onset is triggered by pregnancy and birth—which occur, of course, after a woman becomes sexually active. Breastfeeding reminds us that we were created with gender, male and female.
The nursing mother loves her baby in a different way than she loves her husband, but she loves and serves them both with her body. The act of nursing highlights the procreative component of the sexual act and offers a sharp rebuke to the Gnostic aspects of our culture’s pursuit of pleasure. The breastfeeding mother reminds men around her that women’s bodies are meant for more than just male pleasure. A single man who is accustomed to sharing space with breastfeeding women may actually have greater respect for women, particularly when this occurs within the context of a healthy church community.
Most mothers who have breastfed talk about the long hours they spent nursing their voracious babies in the early weeks. The baby takes and takes while around them the dishes pile up, the laundry forms a mountain, and dust bunnies frolic under the couch. Breastfeeding demands a singularity of purpose from the mother in the early weeks, and by extension, from the father and the extended family that become responsible for feeding the new mother.
The sacrifice of the nursing mother for her child stands as a strong corrective to the consumerist culture that demands that we live for ourselves. A breastfeeding mother cannot allow too much time to pass without nursing, or she will suffer physical discomfort. She is constantly reminded that her body does not belong to her alone. The presence of breastfeeding mothers in pews can remind a congregation that Christians are called to love God with their bodies as well as with their hearts and minds.
Likewise, Isaiah 66:11—12 invokes the sacramental nature of breastfeeding by using it to describe the way that God will nourish and sustain his people. A baby receives all that he needs from his mother, just as the people of God will receive all that they need from God. Isaiah sees the satisfied baby asleep on his mother’s breast as an image of divine rest, a rest of contentment, trust, and connection. We outgrow this ability to find perfect rest all too quickly. The quiet peace of the nursing baby in his mother’s arms reminds us of the rest that awaits those who put their hope in Christ.
So how can the church reverse this tide?
It is not difficult for a church to foster a breastfeeding-friendly atmosphere, but it’s up to church leadership to send the message that nursing mothers are welcome in the pews. The first step is for pastors to tell new parents that their babies are welcome in the service, but pastors can and should take things even further.
I can give no better example than the one set by my pastor, Reverend Sam Andreades of the Village Church in New York City. Himself the father of four, he remains unflustered when he hears a baby fuss during the service—even in the middle of a prayer. He will make a point of giving thanks to God for the babies in our midst, sending a message to the rest of the congregation that babies don’t have to be silent to participate in the service. It can be stressful for the nursing mother to hear her baby fuss a little as she adjusts her clothing for discreet breastfeeding, and worry that her baby’s noises are bothering those around her. A pastor’s encouragement teaches everyone to have patience for the smallest among us, and helps boost the nursing mother’s confidence.
The pastor’s wife and other prominent women in the church can play an equally crucial role in supporting breastfeeding mothers. Following Paul’s proscription in Titus 2, the older women should teach the younger how to be wives and mothers, even if they have not breastfed themselves. An older woman can offer emotional and practical mother-to-mother support. She can keep herself updated on the latest information about breastfeeding and encourage cue-based (as opposed to schedule-based) feeding. She can also assist the mother in the art of discreet nursing, and offer support and reassurance when a baby is too upset to stay in the service. Paying a visit to a local La Leche League meeting may be a good idea so that she can educate herself in the normal course of breastfeeding. Her heart for helping breastfeeding women could make people curious to visit her church—an added benefit!
In the course of writing this article, I gathered many stories from women about nursing in church. The overwhelming sentiment expressed was that being able to nurse in church was a profound gift to them, one that nurtured them spiritually. As a nursing mother myself, I cherish the times that I have been able to sit in church, listening to God’s word with my baby nursing peacefully and quietly.
Perhaps there is no better reason for churches to encourage nursing than for the mother herself, enabling her to integrate the physical with the spiritual, and the ordinary with the transcendent. It may be the only time all week she can slow down and listen to God. We need her, but she needs us even more.
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¹“Breastfeeding Rates in the U.S. per the CDC,” kellymom.com, http://www.kellymom.com/writings/bf-numbers.html#cdc. <12/9/2008>
²American Academy of Pediatrics, Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk, aappolicy.aappublications.org, http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics%3b100/6/1035. <12/9/2008>
³Katherine A. Foss and Brian G Southwell, “Infant feeding and the media: the relationship between Parents’ Magazine content and breastfeeding, 1972–2000,” International Breastfeeding Journal 2006, 1:10, internationalbreastfeedingjournal.com, http://www.internationalbreastfeedingjournal.com/content/1/1/10. <12/8/2008>
⁴Bernice Hausman, Mother’s Milk: Breastfeeding Controversies in American Culture (New York: Routledge, 2003).
⁵Gary Ezzo and Anne Marie, “Let The Children Come Along The Infant Way,” Growing Families International, 2002. See also http://www.ezzo.info. <12/9/2008>
Annie Frisbie is a Writers Guild of America Award-nominated screenwriter, film critic, and adjunct instructor of creative writing at Bethel University’s New York Center for Art and Media Studies.
